Love, be loved and get to know sorrow..

Why does it have to be so cold?????

OMG,so much ahppened this weekend!It was the best weekend ever!
I GOT TO TALK TO YUUTO AND OTHER GUYS FROM SCREW!!!
I actually had a small talk with Manabu and an epic moment with Yuuto & Byou!It's so insane that I really did see them and actually even touch them,I stil can't believe it wasn't a dream!

I'm still confused about which brownhaired girl Yuuto was talking about tho.I'd sooo die to be the girl he was referring to!I mean,on Q&A Screw were asked "What kind of a girl do you like?" and then Yuuto said "あの子" and pointed in the direction I was sitting with my friends.All the girl became so tense and started shouting: "Who?Who?" Then Yuuto said thru the translator that the girl with brown hair.I just dyed my hair brown on Friday.There were a couple of other brownhaired girl around me,but only a couple.Almost everyone was blond or had crazy-colored hair.I'm pretty sure we had an eyecontact at that point,but I can't be 100% sure.
I sooo wanna think that he meant me.You know how crazy it feels when the guy you like so much says something like that??If he only said more.
Yuuto was the only one to be so specific,naming only one girl.Others generalized their answers.Of course,Byou said he likes naughty girls,lol.

I was interviewd for SCREW 3 times!That cameraman and the translator caught me several times pushing the camera right to my face and asking the same question each time "How I feel about Screw".Hei daa.Try LOVE?!ADORE?!Why else am evrywhere where they are?And each time they asked if I could send a message to the guys,cause they will watch that tape after the signing session and want to hear some fans' opinions.I went all shaky and dizzy and just mumbled,that I REALLY love them and they're my fave band etc.And I also asked Yuuto not to leave SCREW.Will he listen to me?

Then the guy from staff took a picture of me,when I was waiting in line for SCREW's autographs.I saw Yuuto talking to that guy a little while before he came up to me,could it be that....? Ok,now I'm so speculating.Even if the girl Yuuto liked even was me it doesn't mean he's so into me,right?So why can't I stop this?I'm so silly at times.I just have such a huuuuge crush on Yuuto and to even think that I might have a chance if I am his type...That fills my stomach with butterflies.

I slept only about 2 or 3 hours/night for the 3 last days and I haven't eaten anything for 3 days,exept one Snickers yesterday and one muffin and a granola bar on Saturday before the live.Imagine how I feel now.What's funny is that I can't eat or sleep.I'm too nervous and restless somehow...Why??

Now I'm way to sleepy,so I'll continue this tomorrow,I have a lot of stuff to tell about all the bands~ :D I got to meet them all in person!How cool is that?!

I'm so scared of the upcoming Japanese history exam!!!I know just about...nothing?I don't understand Sweden's Swedish well enough,so I basically don't get anything from the lectures and I'm having difficulties with that thick Swedish book about the same subject.I'm so screwed.

Oh and ScreW is next weekend!!!The excitement is undescribable! <333333
I'm loving their song DRASTIC SLAVER so much,I don't even know why. xD

f**k.
I rarely say that,but this time it's perfect to express my feelings.
f**k.F**k.F**k.

Yuuto is leaving SCREW on 31.12.

Damn you Yuuto!How could you do this???You were my favorite member,you got me interested in SCREW!!!!I loved you and you did this to me!!!(like I matter,lol)
But,srsly,whyyyy???Why now?Why him???
This year sucks so much.I hate it.I wish it was over already.This year only crappy stuff happened.So many peopel died,bands disbanded,airplanes crushed,hearts were broken,dreams destroyed.Stupid year.

I can't believe Yuuto is leaving.I totally didn't expect that.When I heard I srsly started crying.It was a shock.I couldn't even sleep last night,I had nightmares and when I remembered what happened I got too upset to sleep.
This bothers me so much,cause SCREW and the GazettE are my top favorite bands!This hurts!It feels almost like losing a friend or being betrayed.This is so bad.This sucks.Only if someone left the GazettE would be worse that this.
Yuuto,don't go.....Please?....Yuutoooooo~

Yesterday I was so happy,cause I heard thatthere willbe a signing session and Q&A meeting with SCREW after their live in Finland,I was all hyper and then - bang! - Yuuto drops the bomb.Crap.Now I can't be happy about their live,cause I know it's their last overseas live with all 5 original memebers together.I bet I'll be crying most of teh live!Why did he have to tell his news now and ruin my mood,my fun and...everything???

I feel like my whole life is slowly falling apart,not only my personal life is so messed up right now with problems with my lovelife and my former best friend,I'm broke,I suck at home,I fail at everything atm and now this.My favorite bands,music that used to be my safe harbor,my heaven where I could escape when I felt bad,where things were so much better and now even my heaven's walls are trembling.This is awful.I hate this.

I hate being depressed,but I am.

Is it embarrassing to admit that I actually like Antti Tuisku's new album? ^^ CAuse I do.The songs are so much prettier than other Finnish artist's. :))

I can't wait to book flights to Japan!I seriously can't stand being here anymore.I miss Japan more than ever.I think in November or December is the best time to book the flights,cause it's gonna be cheaper then.I wanna fly with Finnair,cause it's a straight flight then.OMG,I can't quite believe I'll be going back next summer.yayyayay! :D
Is anyone going to be in Tokyo next July/August?? ^_______^

Btw,does anyone know what's the cheapest ryokan in Tokyo?

Time passes,even if you don't feel it at first.Time heals.
I will believe in that,so I can survive.
I will try to live the way I used to before him.
I will study hard and work longer hours.
I'll hang out with my friends more often.
I'll make new ones,if possible.
I'll drink,if nothing else helps. xD

That reminds me...I have to find information on kuge and bushido and other stuff Dr.Blomberg lectured about yesterday.
Or maybe I just have to study Swedish a bit more. :P

Jasmine You is dead.
It's so schocking.
I wasn't a big fan of Versailles,but still when I har that someone I know is dead,it's really scary.
Why do such young people have to die?
I know that's life.but still it's so sad.

REST IN PEACE,JASMINE YOU.

Kazuki,honey,HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!




Why wasn't he born on 7th like me?Oh my,I'll be 19 on Friday.....Geeeez..... ö____ö

Yuuto is so cute,I could just squeeze him to death! <333


okay,maybe taht wouldn't be such a great idea,but anyway he's just way too cute!

I wanna do something exciting!Even crazy!Like,I dunno,benji jump or something?
I just get this feeling sometimes that I have to live to the fullest,cause life is so short really.
Any suggestions?What exciting can I do?(bear in mind that I live in a small boring city tho!) lol